It's not ALL doom and gloom.

wot no mess ?

There is a flipside to every coin.

And an upside to the many changes that have taken place in my life over the last year.
The children of course still like to spend time with their dad . He has a flat not far from us and every other weekend the children go to stay with dad . Our carer is happy to go along and assist with caring for Heather too so thats a real bonus for them all. Whilst I miss them at times its also very nice to have a break from caring for others. Nice also to feel a little "cared for ". I have a fairly new relationship with someone I have known for a couple of years. Thankfully someone who has some understanding of what it might be like to live with a child that has Heathers needs and takes this into consideration most of the time. .. and then the children go to their dads for the weekend and all we have to consider is ourselves. Im aware this probably wont always be the case so Im determined to enjoy every moment for what it is right now.

Sometimes it feels like a dream .. a parallel universe where I am not *mum muuuuuum .. muuuuuuuuum!" Im just *Sandy* after 16 years of always being mum its nice to get to know Sandy again. I take time to think about what I WANT to do with my time .. often its not what others would necessarily find very interesting . But I very much appreciate having time for me again . Time to remember who I am and to share that with someone I love . I often leave the stresses of being a mum and running a home for 3 children completely behind and come to stay here in his flat which is just a few minutes from my house . Evading the washing piles and ironing piles and inevitable cleaning jobs that I would assign myself were I to stay at home during the time the girls are with their dad.

As with most dreams .. I do eventually have to wake up, which is oddly nice too . I love the moment I hear H giggling her way down the garden path calling me loudly on her return. The washing piles are still there the ironing piles are untouched and the little fingerprints remain in the dust around my house . But the time apart makes me appreciate every one of them.

The future looms and nothing stays the same . But for now I am enjoying what I can of TODAY .

I have my camera bag packed and warm clothes at the ready .. I am off to my first fireworks display ( without children! ) in 16 years . Tonight I will sleep without being woken by H numerous times as is the norm with her . Tomorrow I get to hear her calling me and clambering at speed through the front door to hug me .
Its not all doom and gloom :)