Patience

something's require patience. Patience is something that I freely admit to be lacking in certain situations.

I know my answers will come , and nothing I can do will change the outcome of what it is I so badly need to know but honestly the waiting , the worrying , the anticipating and imagining the outcome of the situation is driving me a little crazy !!
I know this is awfully cryptic but for now .. Until I get my answers this has to be the way it stays. It won't be long , in 3 short weeks I should have a much better understanding of things that will shape and change my life forever. But I find as I get older I am not gaining patience, in fact quite the opposite. I wonder if that's something that happens with everyone ? the increased need to be more organised about the future , to have some kind of plan . Or is it something that I've developed because of my circumstances? For years I winged my way through life with little thought for what if's and plans for years to come ,I took for granted that things always work out somehow. And they did. I suppose they will again, but the need I feel to try and control things more right now is overwhelming. The need to just KNOW for sure the facts about a few factors in our life has my stomach flipping somersaults every time I think about them.

Trying to occupy my mind each day is increasingly difficult, sleeping has been equally so. I don't have a crystal ball , and if I did right now I think I would be too scared to look into it. I have many friends out there who have such strong faith. A faith I wish I had too. Those who have such faith that even reading this they will reach out and pray that my unknown worries be solved. I'm not sure I believe there is a god who decides my future , in this particular instance I know that I personally have no control over the outcomes. But I do have hope. Hope that everything will turn out just fine and if I can stop counting the imaginary odds that are stacked against me and start seeing all the reasons to have hope. I can get through the next few weeks without hitting breaking point .