The line in the sand ..

It's been a while since I wrote here , about 8 weeks I think . They have been 8 busy weeks that's for sure , they say time flies when your having fun ... We must be having fun cos it seems no time at all since our 20wk scan day and weekend in Stratford.
We have decorated our room and begun buying a few things for our new arrival in the new year. We have welcomed two other new babies to the family in the last two weeks and have been filled with anticipation and wonder about our own experiences yet to come. I'm feeling amazingly well right now . We had a private hospital appointment this weekend , just to have the baby checked over again and we were joined by the other children to see the scans in 2D and 4D . The images are a little spooky but you do get an idea of the baby's facial features. She's a tall girl already weighing nearly 3 pounds and measuring about a week and a bit ahead of her actual due date which we know to be accurate from much earlier scans /treatment. We won't see her on a scan again now until January when regular growth scans will hopefully help determine a good time to induce her birth with no problems . The whole point of these regular scans is to make certain she isn't too big to hinder a straight forward entrance to our world . She is already so precious to us both.
So now we are taking time to organise Christmas and on concentrating on trying to relax and take care of ourselves and our baby.

The saying "draw a line in the sand " can have lots of different meanings and can be interpreted by others to have all kinds of creative motivations. There are those that will see a boundary as a challenge and those that will back away knowing that to cross the boundaries could be dangerous and detrimental to themselves and others.

I have rarely been one to draw lines or boundaries that cannot be compromised upon . Negotiating with toddlers ,and now teenagers is like negotiating with terrorists and should be avoided at all costs but in real life it is inevitable and the childhood mind games learned by many are all too often carried on through to adult hood . We each pick up our own parents game tactics and develop them alongside what we learn from our peers and ancestry seeps into our emotions at every level throughout our life no matter our age. The most highly developed and successful people in relationships appear to be those who are able to accept and play adult roles. Making clear choices and sticking to clear boundaries , taking into account emotional consequences and accepting there will be sacrifices .

A couple of years ago I found a strength inside myself that I never imagined existed . It's not a strength born of anger , or happiness or love for anyone else . But from within myself . Self worth and respect is something many people especially amongst the women I know , struggle with . I am a stronger person than I could have ever fathomed and one day I drew a line in the sand that no tide would wash away , that no winds could distort . A solid line carved like a huge impassible canyon. I even took myself by surprise.

Today that canyon still holds firm , and in other areas of life I have found the strength and ability to draw firm lines. Some see them as a challenge to cross or to distort, others work with me and compromise is still something I am more than capable of when the sacrifices and gains are clear and understood and of course adhered to.

When someone fools you a first time it is their fault , the second time it's fair to say you should take a share in the blame. Men it would seem have a greater fear of appearing to be a fool , they are more cautious than women to share their emotions because of this one obvious and simple yet rarely mentioned fact. Their pride is often admirable and the sacrifices they knowingly make to uphold this pride is something I think we could all do well to learn from . There is a fine line between arrogance and pride and one has to use logic AND emotion to deduce the difference.

Logic defies many emotions , so when things are complicated emotionally it can be of benefit to us all to apply some logic to emotional situations . Acknowledge and take on the responsibilities and consequences of our actions and the impact it will have on those involved. when considering the impact on more than one person it is inevitable that at times sacrifices will have to be made.

My new found strengths have enabled me to consider all of these things before drawing the lines and boundaries on my life and the lives of those who I am directly responsible for. Success breeds success this theory has worked well for me time and time again since that initial canyon was so carefully created.

This growing child inside me gives me a huge sense of responsibility for her precious life , her emotional health and well being is never second to material objects and money. Lines will be drawn to protect her and my other children and others may be as shocked as I was to realise the sacrifices I will knowingly face.